Buoys

I love too much. I love too deeply. I love with all my being and everything that becomes me.; consumes me.

Which is why I don’t swim in the waters at all. Dark like the midnight moonlight, cold and calm; tempting but dangerous. The water is to be feared. The water can drown you in your own recognizance. The Water can bring you to see things, terrible things you never knew. Monsters, and animals only danger knows.

But still I tempt the depths with my toe. Starting in a puddle, working my way up to a pond. But somewhere along the lines the water seems less dangerous; more comforting. I have confidence in the shallow spot of where I stand. Peering into the sapphire glass like a child finding her inquisitive side, my hand nestled in yours; I step.

And suddenly I am caught. Swept up in the riptide I knew nothing of. I had heard the dangers but it was never something I could experience before. And I am dragged. My heart is yearning, grasping, climbing, clutching. Reaching for something to cling to; reaching for you.

You cannot be swept up with me. It’s not safe-two of us out to sea with all our being fighting so fiercely upon the waves. Slapping and breaking water, sobbing and desperately wanting to have relief, I do not want to be alone. I am begging for saving and you are too close for your own comfort; you need to travel  back to coast lest we both be trapped gasping for air.

 I comprehend your actions.

I have never learned to swim for fear of drowning. I have never picked up the skill because it is not a skill I’ve ever needed. A minimalist in everything but emotion; I have learned to be prepared for anything and immune to what was thrown my way. But, you told me it could change my life. You told me I deserved to know how to swim.

I don’t think you knew what that meant. I don’t think you knew the requirements at hand. I don’t think you understood my determination to break down the barriers I put in place to keep from being swept off my feet into the murky waves. I don’t think you anticipated how soon you would have to pull me back ashore. So you couldn’t. You didn’t know. You didn’t know the more you floated away the harder I would struggle to maintain your grasp. I didn’t know the more I fought the farther down I would go.

“It feels like there’s oceans
Between you and me once again
We hide our emotions
Under the surface and try to pretend
But it feels like there’s oceans
Between you and me” 

Seafret, Oceans

 

 

 

I Have A Confession;

This has been brewing for some time now. And it’s Jamaican Me Crazy not being able to share this sooner. I Cannoli imagine how pissed some of you are going to be.

Okay. I’ll stop. I have a thing for super bad puns. The puns Dad Jokes are made of.

ANYWAYS…I kind of have a problem. And by problem I mean it’s a first world problem but a problem none the less. I have a hot beverage problem. It’s such a thing I have an entire drawer full of coffees and teas.

image1

But the tea is in the back for a reason. My main go to in a month is not the expensive Starbucks, the Fruity bursts, or even the Giant Box of Great Value K-Cups.  It’s the thing dreams are made of.

image4(Please ignore the grossness that is my handle to the Keurig, I only push it down about 11 times a day.)

My Ultra-Caffeinated, Ultra-Natural, Ultra-Badass, LOCAL Utica Coffee.  You guys, you don’t even KNOW.

Their Mission Statement on Their Website states,

Our approach is simple: we use the highest quality coffee available, roast it in small batches for the retail and wholesale market, and adhere to business principles that embrace the culture, history, and vibe of our region. We practice current, sustainable, renewable business practices, hire local, purchase local (everything but our coffee beans, of course), and sell local.

Everyone with any conscience is behind that, but wait until you TASTE THE FREAKING STUFF. Their website has a TON of varieties listed from Flavored, to Origin and the ever-famous Adirondack blend. But I have a special place in my heart for the Wake The Hell Up! K- cups in the flavor Cannoli.

image3(I also have a box in Jamaican Me Crazy. It’s my third box since the 3rd of the month. Stop Judging me.)
image2(I meant to take a picture for you before I tore into the box like a crackhead finding some plastic wrap but I just didn’t have the self control.)

Now the great thing about these coffees is that I am a huge advocate of creamer. If I was not Lactose Intolerant, I would probably just drink that straight. Okay; I’m joking. I had a boyfriend who did that and I questioned what I saw in him badly enough to leave. Straight Diabetes. Be an adult and put booze in it first, call it Kahlua. God Damn…

Sorry. Anyways, I have a creamer problem, and this DOESN’T need creamer. Now I’m no coffee expert (That’s why there is Utica Coffee Roasters…) BUT! I can tell you that Cannoli is smooth but slightly acidic, and flavorful like a sweet vanilla cream without being overpowering.

Now the JMC flavor… I am new to this. I am not a fan of Coconut coffee, however this was again, smooth with slight acidity, and not necessary to be tainted with creamer. Which is a shame, because my creamer problem is almost as bad as my coffee problem. (Don’t even get my started on making my own… what do you think I do when I’m out?)

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So all of this, with Pride as I announce no anxiety fits or heart attack – you may be asking yourself why I’m even going on. Well, I believe in sustainability. I believe in supporting local business. I believe in Good Freaking Coffee.

My friends know I don’t recommend anything I haven’t tried myself or researched thoroughly. My friends know that if I’m drinking coffee at 11:18 PM, it’s going to be Damn Good Coffee. My friends all now also have a coffee problem. So check the links below I left and explore the site. Not only do they have Ultra-Caf, but they have decaf, TEA, and merch. Hopefully get your purchases in before they place a block and alert on me.

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Check me out on My Facebook for more things that are not funny.

They take Most Major Cards/Paypal. And hey! Free Shipping over $50!

You Can Find Their Facebook Here

You Can Trade Your Soul Here (It’s worth it Broseph.)

 

 

 

 

MAGA Via Your GPS

So, if you felt that America was great, but your navigation was left back in the Obama administration; have no fear! KartaGPS has  come to show you how to obtain GPS Enlightenment.

Featuring a Donald impersonator for your navigation needs via iOS and Android, KartaGPS uses the Donald’s voice to give you great – NO! THE BEST! places to eat, the most TREMENDOUS left turns, and even the reason to maybe appreciate him again. Or not. When in doubt, the company is also offering former President Bill Clinton. I wonder how many Lewinsky jokes before you just hear Hilary clearing her throat in the background?

The voice is free – let me know in the comments if you’ve had it since the release in May, or if you’re looking to try it out now.

Murder As An Inconvenience

The Associated Press published a story today about The Man who killed his wife for laughing at him. Now for those of you too lazy to click the link, it describes a couple who went on a cruise in Alaska and, as predicted, killed his wife for laughing at him. There is little details here, but the ones that made the story are something of quirk. A friend had come into the room after the murder and STOPPED THE HUSBAND FROM THROWING HIS WIFE’S BODY OFF THE BALCONY. On A CRUISE SHIP. Take a minute to appreciate that scene from a bad Netflix Original.

But the part that really made me do a double take – and this should stun you as well – When asked about the compensation of $150 for having to dock the cruise for the Crime Scene, a fellow passenger, Mr. Lloyd ‘Selfish AF’ Barrows, stated, “You feel sorry for the family, but a lot of people had to wait.”

SORRY someone’s MURDER inconvenienced you on A CRUISE IN ALASKA. SORRY someone DIED and you got COMPENSATED for it. What were you late too, THE BEAUTIFUL SCENERY? FUUUUCCCKKKKKKK.

We as people, are disgusting. Who are you to show any disdain? A woman lost her life, but FUCK WE MISSED THE ICE CAP SIGHTING. Woman murdered by her life partner for laughing – literally, she was laughing, and someone’s anger was bad enough to kill her for it. Never mind that he tried to cover it up by throwing her off a balcony until someone stopped it. And when arrested, claimed his life was over.

Was this guy in the right for complaining? Or do you think this was a callous remark?

 

 

FREE Supply Filled Backpacks Today!

WF

Everyone loves Free, right? Well today, from 1PM to 4PM, stop down in one of the participating Verizon Wireless stores with your child and receive a FREE backpack with school supplies! A list of participating locations can be found Here.

They do ask:

“After you get your free backpack, share your photos using #WZGivesBack on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to spread the goodwill! Check out all the fun at http://www.wzgivesback.com

EDIT: Their Facebook seems to have comments about people not being able to receive them due to plans being made for them prior- I would call beforehand if it’s a drive for you!

 

 

Talking With Chester

I’ve stayed quiet about the recent celebrity suicide up until now. Honestly … everyone has such personal, intense conflicting opinions on the subject it’s kind of like politics; I don’t touch on it unless it’s a tasteless meme. Most of my friends are the same. It isn’t that we are sociopaths; it’s that humor cuts the reality we endue and desensitizes us for the next emotional blow.
But I get it.
I get it because I’ve been in so much pain I didn’t see any other options. I’ve tried to commit suicide in the past. I wouldn’t be human if I said I didn’t question occasionally if it would be better to just end it all. I’m an empath by nature, and I recognize if someone is struggling they need all the treading lightly they can receive. That being said, I’m going to say something that’s going to enrage more people than usual. Hear me out on this before you grab your pitchforks and scream “Troll!” from the rafters.
Suicide is a cowardly thing to do.
I get the pain. I get the desperation, the feeling of being too far into your own head you see no other option. I’ve felt that feeling of being no progress in site. I’ve looked at my life and thought, “This isn’t worth the little energy I have left.” I’ve been mentally exhausted for God knows how many years. I’ve seen friends go through the same struggle and spoken with them, only to have them a memory a few days later. I’ve watch the only ember of life flee from my eyes like the wick of the candle at the pool of melted wax. I’ve needed help coming out of my own head from the caring friends; I’ve gone as far as two Psychiatric Hospital stays in the same decade. I’ve seen the fear on my loved one’s faces when I’m so filled with my own contempt and self loathing that if I had emotions left, it would make me feel guilty.
But the real fear … the real fear is getting up the next morning with no knowledge if things will get worse, can they get worse? … Or can they be better.
Can things change rapidly tomorrow? Will something ignite the little spark I have left? Will something catch me off guard and take my breath away, reminding me that I AM, in fact, Still breathing?
Listen. I’m not saying, “Hey don’t kill yourself, you could win the Lotto tomorrow!” That’s more false hope, empty promises, and about as realistic as saying after one yoga class and switching to light beer this weekend that I’m down a dress size. I am saying to you:
If you don’t push through to take a chance on tomorrow, you are letting fear win. You are letting something that will be so insignificant one mood lift from now control you. You made it this far. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for because you’ve already tried to talk yourself out of it without realizing it.
One more time for the people in the back.

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR.

Shitty, fucked up things are going to happen in your life; it’s beyond inevitable. But at some point “kind of okay” things are going to happen, too. Your life was not always a dumpster fire. Sometimes it was a kindle. TRAIN yourself to remember that. CONVINCE yourself that there is more to you than being a bag of bones and flesh. If not for you, than for the people that you don’t think depend on you for their joy – because there are people out there who do, whether you care to acknowledge it or not. And it sucks sometimes, I get it.  But you know what sucks more? You letting some bullshit stand in your way from experiencing happiness. So reach out. Reach out to a friend, to a doctor, hell – reach out to the number I’ve posted below. But please … don’t take the cowardly way by not living long enough to see what tomorrow brings.
1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a United States–based suicide prevention network of 161 crisis centers that provides a 24/7, toll-free hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. After dialing 1-800-273-TALK, the caller is routed to their nearest crisis center to receive immediate counseling and local mental health referrals. The Lifeline supports people who call for themselves or someone they care about.

Another Excuse For Coffee? Biscotti!

College has started back up, and with hard work comes caffeine addiction. Or Coke. But I mean I don’t have the money for coke and I’m not looking to ruin my life so…COFFEE IT IS!

So while  procrastinating cramming on day ONE of classes, I realized two cups of coffee in and I was craving a sweet treat. Something to hit the spot that didn’t make me feel like I downed an entire package of Oreo’s, kind of thing. Something crunchy and still light.

Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Biscotti.

HOMG. I ended up making four batches. Well, to be fair the first one was going great until I forgot about it in the oven on the last round. Kids woke up, coffee cup three needed to be made, I’m pretty sure I was still in my pajamas and knew we had an appointment in 30 minutes…

The next two rounds (which, being said the first round didn’t stop anyone under the age of 6 from devouring it off the plate, despite my eldest proclaiming that he doesn’t like the brown sides-even thought EVERY SIDE WAS BROWN) were true to form biscotti. Crunchy, sweet, coffee dipping, perfectionist-divulging biscotti. Quick, easy, and worth every misguided attempt prior to this.

The last round was just for the kids. They wanted “the hard cookies but not so hard, mom.” Those I took out after the first one and let them cool and set overnight, but you can pretty much dive in whenever on those.

Four batches, and the best picture I have for you guys is burnt ones because out of all four batches I don’t think they made it long enough for pictures!

biscotti

 

Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Biscotti

3/4c. Sugar

2 Eggs

Splash vanilla extract

1c. AP Flour

3/4c. Whole Wheat Flour

1t. Baking soda

1/2 t. Salt

3/4-1c. Kraft Caramel Bits

3-4-1c. Semi Sweet or Dark Chips (I used SS because I didn’t have dark)

Good  pinch of procrastinating on the first three labs you have

The fear of not having a degree after 10 years

The cat hair of the 13 cats you’ll have in the future, when you’re alone.

Optional: Sea Salt for sprinkling

Optional: Drizzle in melted chocolate

 

Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. Cream sugar, eggs and vanilla. It’s going to look weird from lack of butter but do not be alarmed. It’s all still okay. THE EARTH IS NOT CRASHING DESPITE MY GRADE IN GEOLOGY RIGHT NOW I CAN ASSURE YOU. Keep the mixer on low-medium speed and add flours, salt, and soda. Don’t get too crazy on the speed or it’s going to blow up like my student loan debt. Scrape sides and gently mix in chips/bits/hopes/dreams. Spray a baking sheet with nonstick spray or use parchment paper and lay the dough into two logs. Or ten. But I mean, two is easier. Slightly round the rectangle logs along the edges so that there is a nice curve, much like the days of No Child Left Behind. Optional: Sprinkle Sea Salt across the tops if you would like.  Place in the oven and bake for around 30 Minutes.

Remove from the oven and let rest for ten (or twenty…I mean, you get to it when you get to it. Or when Thing One stops biting Thing Two in the Living room and OH MY GOD YOU DON’T HAVE TO WATCH PAW PATROL WE HAVE TWO TV’S JUST GOOOO!) minutes. Carefully slice into 3/4″ slices and turn on their sides all in the pan. Place pan in oven for ten minutes. Remove pan after ten and flip all pieces. Place in the oven again to bake for the final ten minutes. HERE IS THE IMPORTANT KICKER, FOLKS; do NOT forget they are in the oven!

Remove and let cool. If wanted, drizzle with melted chocolate. Dip in Coffee and the tears of realizing you have another 14 weeks of the semester. It’s not that bad. Wipe the blood off your Psychology text book and remember; wine is not acceptable all hours of the day, but coffee is forever.