I Have A Confession;

This has been brewing for some time now. And it’s Jamaican Me Crazy not being able to share this sooner. I Cannoli imagine how pissed some of you are going to be.

Okay. I’ll stop. I have a thing for super bad puns. The puns Dad Jokes are made of.

ANYWAYS…I kind of have a problem. And by problem I mean it’s a first world problem but a problem none the less. I have a hot beverage problem. It’s such a thing I have an entire drawer full of coffees and teas.


But the tea is in the back for a reason. My main go to in a month is not the expensive Starbucks, the Fruity bursts, or even the Giant Box of Great Value K-Cups.  It’s the thing dreams are made of.

image4(Please ignore the grossness that is my handle to the Keurig, I only push it down about 11 times a day.)

My Ultra-Caffeinated, Ultra-Natural, Ultra-Badass, LOCAL Utica Coffee.  You guys, you don’t even KNOW.

Their Mission Statement on Their Website states,

Our approach is simple: we use the highest quality coffee available, roast it in small batches for the retail and wholesale market, and adhere to business principles that embrace the culture, history, and vibe of our region. We practice current, sustainable, renewable business practices, hire local, purchase local (everything but our coffee beans, of course), and sell local.

Everyone with any conscience is behind that, but wait until you TASTE THE FREAKING STUFF. Their website has a TON of varieties listed from Flavored, to Origin and the ever-famous Adirondack blend. But I have a special place in my heart for the Wake The Hell Up! K- cups in the flavor Cannoli.

image3(I also have a box in Jamaican Me Crazy. It’s my third box since the 3rd of the month. Stop Judging me.)
image2(I meant to take a picture for you before I tore into the box like a crackhead finding some plastic wrap but I just didn’t have the self control.)

Now the great thing about these coffees is that I am a huge advocate of creamer. If I was not Lactose Intolerant, I would probably just drink that straight. Okay; I’m joking. I had a boyfriend who did that and I questioned what I saw in him badly enough to leave. Straight Diabetes. Be an adult and put booze in it first, call it Kahlua. God Damn…

Sorry. Anyways, I have a creamer problem, and this DOESN’T need creamer. Now I’m no coffee expert (That’s why there is Utica Coffee Roasters…) BUT! I can tell you that Cannoli is smooth but slightly acidic, and flavorful like a sweet vanilla cream without being overpowering.

Now the JMC flavor… I am new to this. I am not a fan of Coconut coffee, however this was again, smooth with slight acidity, and not necessary to be tainted with creamer. Which is a shame, because my creamer problem is almost as bad as my coffee problem. (Don’t even get my started on making my own… what do you think I do when I’m out?)


So all of this, with Pride as I announce no anxiety fits or heart attack – you may be asking yourself why I’m even going on. Well, I believe in sustainability. I believe in supporting local business. I believe in Good Freaking Coffee.

My friends know I don’t recommend anything I haven’t tried myself or researched thoroughly. My friends know that if I’m drinking coffee at 11:18 PM, it’s going to be Damn Good Coffee. My friends all now also have a coffee problem. So check the links below I left and explore the site. Not only do they have Ultra-Caf, but they have decaf, TEA, and merch. Hopefully get your purchases in before they place a block and alert on me.

Check me out on My Facebook for more things that are not funny.

They take Most Major Cards/Paypal. And hey! Free Shipping over $50!

You Can Find Their Facebook Here

You Can Trade Your Soul Here (It’s worth it Broseph.)






So, if you felt that America was great, but your navigation was left back in the Obama administration; have no fear! KartaGPS has  come to show you how to obtain GPS Enlightenment.

Featuring a Donald impersonator for your navigation needs via iOS and Android, KartaGPS uses the Donald’s voice to give you great – NO! THE BEST! places to eat, the most TREMENDOUS left turns, and even the reason to maybe appreciate him again. Or not. When in doubt, the company is also offering former President Bill Clinton. I wonder how many Lewinsky jokes before you just hear Hilary clearing her throat in the background?

The voice is free – let me know in the comments if you’ve had it since the release in May, or if you’re looking to try it out now.

FREE Supply Filled Backpacks Today!


Everyone loves Free, right? Well today, from 1PM to 4PM, stop down in one of the participating Verizon Wireless stores with your child and receive a FREE backpack with school supplies! A list of participating locations can be found Here.

They do ask:

“After you get your free backpack, share your photos using #WZGivesBack on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to spread the goodwill! Check out all the fun at http://www.wzgivesback.com

EDIT: Their Facebook seems to have comments about people not being able to receive them due to plans being made for them prior- I would call beforehand if it’s a drive for you!



Another Excuse For Coffee? Biscotti!

College has started back up, and with hard work comes caffeine addiction. Or Coke. But I mean I don’t have the money for coke and I’m not looking to ruin my life so…COFFEE IT IS!

So while  procrastinating cramming on day ONE of classes, I realized two cups of coffee in and I was craving a sweet treat. Something to hit the spot that didn’t make me feel like I downed an entire package of Oreo’s, kind of thing. Something crunchy and still light.

Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Biscotti.

HOMG. I ended up making four batches. Well, to be fair the first one was going great until I forgot about it in the oven on the last round. Kids woke up, coffee cup three needed to be made, I’m pretty sure I was still in my pajamas and knew we had an appointment in 30 minutes…

The next two rounds (which, being said the first round didn’t stop anyone under the age of 6 from devouring it off the plate, despite my eldest proclaiming that he doesn’t like the brown sides-even thought EVERY SIDE WAS BROWN) were true to form biscotti. Crunchy, sweet, coffee dipping, perfectionist-divulging biscotti. Quick, easy, and worth every misguided attempt prior to this.

The last round was just for the kids. They wanted “the hard cookies but not so hard, mom.” Those I took out after the first one and let them cool and set overnight, but you can pretty much dive in whenever on those.

Four batches, and the best picture I have for you guys is burnt ones because out of all four batches I don’t think they made it long enough for pictures!



Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Biscotti

3/4c. Sugar

2 Eggs

Splash vanilla extract

1c. AP Flour

3/4c. Whole Wheat Flour

1t. Baking soda

1/2 t. Salt

3/4-1c. Kraft Caramel Bits

3-4-1c. Semi Sweet or Dark Chips (I used SS because I didn’t have dark)

Good  pinch of procrastinating on the first three labs you have

The fear of not having a degree after 10 years

The cat hair of the 13 cats you’ll have in the future, when you’re alone.

Optional: Sea Salt for sprinkling

Optional: Drizzle in melted chocolate


Preheat the oven to 300 degrees F. Cream sugar, eggs and vanilla. It’s going to look weird from lack of butter but do not be alarmed. It’s all still okay. THE EARTH IS NOT CRASHING DESPITE MY GRADE IN GEOLOGY RIGHT NOW I CAN ASSURE YOU. Keep the mixer on low-medium speed and add flours, salt, and soda. Don’t get too crazy on the speed or it’s going to blow up like my student loan debt. Scrape sides and gently mix in chips/bits/hopes/dreams. Spray a baking sheet with nonstick spray or use parchment paper and lay the dough into two logs. Or ten. But I mean, two is easier. Slightly round the rectangle logs along the edges so that there is a nice curve, much like the days of No Child Left Behind. Optional: Sprinkle Sea Salt across the tops if you would like.  Place in the oven and bake for around 30 Minutes.

Remove from the oven and let rest for ten (or twenty…I mean, you get to it when you get to it. Or when Thing One stops biting Thing Two in the Living room and OH MY GOD YOU DON’T HAVE TO WATCH PAW PATROL WE HAVE TWO TV’S JUST GOOOO!) minutes. Carefully slice into 3/4″ slices and turn on their sides all in the pan. Place pan in oven for ten minutes. Remove pan after ten and flip all pieces. Place in the oven again to bake for the final ten minutes. HERE IS THE IMPORTANT KICKER, FOLKS; do NOT forget they are in the oven!

Remove and let cool. If wanted, drizzle with melted chocolate. Dip in Coffee and the tears of realizing you have another 14 weeks of the semester. It’s not that bad. Wipe the blood off your Psychology text book and remember; wine is not acceptable all hours of the day, but coffee is forever.



When your mouth fails to say what your mind can not comprehend; when the only emotion left is the unexplainable romanticism of what despair has crept in; and when your only form of convalescence is in the power of your soul-


My Almost Irish Twins.

My eldest, now four, spent the night an hour away at his Aunt’s place with her last night. The first sleepover they had left me weary, anxious; car keys next to the bed waiting for that “Come get me!” call that never came. It was harder on me than anyone.

That is not to say his two year old brother did not have questions. Non-verbal yet intuitive, he had fallen asleep before we dropped off his brother only to wake up in our driveway with his brother no longer in the car. Many whines and pointed fingers to his brother’s car seat trying to urgently express to me that I must have indeed, forgotten his other half somewhere.

Two years ago when I brought Bad Baby home (referred to from here on out at BB;) his brother was just under two. A very angry almost two year old was very upset I left for three days and came home with a loud loaf of bread, occupying all of my new time. And in time he learned BB was not going anywhere, and we grew into normalcy. As normal as having two babies in the house could be. I was worried about having them so close together. I was worried about jealousy and them both not understanding the sharing of my time. I was worried love was not measured in a knowing glance with them, but the time spent individually.

It’s been two years. BB refuses to go to bed without Rainman (my four year old) sleeping next to him. They were in their own rooms and it became such a guess in the middle of the night as to where one of my toddlers were that I finally put both beds in one room. It’s been about 8 months and they now sleep together in the same bed. I’ve tried to separate them to no avail. They are the size of 4 and 7 year olds, in a small twin bed, and they find comfort in each other enough to sleep at opposite ends of the bed, feet touching.

So when Rainman leaves, I’m not the only one who is on edge.

BB enjoys the company this morning waking up to my smiling face, and I his. He enjoys the extra effort he gets in the bath; letting him play until all the bubbles are gone. Mommy is more carefree, easy going. Cuddles on the couch to Doc McStuffins. Constant kissing and hugging all around.

But it’s not without a silent understanding that something is missing here. BB did go to the front door and try to unlock it. When I asked him where he was going he handed me his brother’s shirt and ran back to the door, whining and pointing. Almost to say “let’s go get Brother.” We’ve settled down, but it’s not without the glances to the door every time there is a noise outside. And I think it’s about more than that missing face.

It is eerily quiet. The sound of Doc and my squirming cuddly baby who can not get comfortable on the couch, the coffee maker whining in the background, the keys clacking as I type; all audible and present. But the room still feels empty. BB has caused enough trouble in one hour for the two children combined in a day; and it still is calm beyond reason. There are no puzzle pieces strewn about. There is no toilet paper coming from under the bathroom door in a trail. The couch seems longer than ever before with space.

I am trying to remind myself Rainman needs this time away from home. My BB needs some independent time with me before Baby Unnamed gets here next month. I am fighting the urge to get BB dressed immediately and put him in the car and drive the hour in the snow to get his brother. I am fighting it because I know this is bittersweet time that I should cherish. Only one kid in a household of three? A single mom with full custody of three boys and I want them HERE?!?! Am I insane?

No. The truth is this is all I know. People used to tell me how hard it was with multiple children. And in the beginning-it was rough. But it was never in my mind unfathomable. Once I held BB I never again questioned what “punishment” I was inflicting on my then almost toddler by having to share that time and love. It was a learning process but it was one I accepted with little personal conflict. And people now give me their unsolicited opinion on having the third baby where I can confidently say, “What is one more loved child?”

My children don’t know struggle in this household. They don’t know selfish. They have no concept of loneliness. They are familiar with jealousy; but only in the sense of the last gummy; the difference in TV time. They do not know boredom or resentment at their friends who always have a playmate.

They know companionship. They know friendship. They know sharing. They know love.

They know that I will never love any of them more than the other. A different but equal devotion of my time, energy, resources, and patience. They know family.

I know that they love each other more than they could love another person. And while Baby Unnamed will bring some challenges; his bond with the two older boys will not be the same-I know that my Almost Irish Twins will find comfort in each other during the upcoming time of adjustment. They will find solace in the thought of their dependent brother being there to turn to.

And I will find relief in knowing that I could not live my life any other way than having a full home with three loud, messy, screaming, LOVING boys.

So we will wait another hour or two, and we will scramble in the car to go get my independent four year old. And while they will bicker in the car over the different toys from their happy meals, I will glance in the rear view mirror with a knowing smile on my face. This is how it should be.

10 Reasons You Need Coconut Oil In Your Life

I like to think I’m pretty thrifty. I also know that’s a nice way of saying cheap. I’m a bit of a crunchy mom ever since my kids appeared to be allergic to everything-which resulted in me searching for home remedies for nearly everything. After being bombarded on Pinterest with over 100 pins of over 100 ways to use coconut oil, I felt it deserved a little of my attention. I mean, people have claimed it’s the greatest thing since Bradley Cooper shirtless.

Okay, I claimed that. But it is.

First off, let me start by saying I have the worst variety of half stocked grocery stores deemed to mankind. If I want to stay within a 15 minute drive there is a Walmart Supercenter (which clearly should have been named ‘Half-Stocked Not-So-Super Walmart’) a Price Chopper, a Tops, and an Aldi. You want Trader Joes? Not here, friend. Whole Foods? Go screw yourself. You will get overpriced groceries or you will go to the back alley Walmart like everyone else in this town.

So I looked high and low for it at these stores, deeming it after 6 separate searches that I needed to follow a unicorn through the organic section into some hidden room behind the gluten free muffin mixes or something. Turns out, if you go to Walmart you can get it in the vitamin section, go figure. ( Now, you don’t have to buy the Spring Valley kind for $10. A pro tip-if you go to the cooking oils section, there is various brands right there for cheaper. Just make sure you get UNREFINED ORGANIC. Spectrum is a good kind, and under $8 a pound.)

Coconut Oil

If the coconut oil you bought doesn’t smell like a Tahitian Holiday and you don’t have the strong desire to stick a spoon in it and eat it like the last pint of Chunky Monkey ever made, you didn’t get the right stuff. Save this over processed nonsense for cooking, or…waxing your car or something-it’s no good to use otherwise. If you open your jar up and hear angels singing, it’s time to get into why you will keep tubs of this stuff on hand.

10) Your Hair Needs Help-Like, Yesterday.

You know the drill-Winter makes it dull, Summer makes you look like you live in a sauna with all of that humidity frizz. Time to condition with it. I have shoulder length hair and typically 1/2 a tablespoon will do. Use your best eyeballing skills here. You know, the ones you use at the gym to check out that hottie’s 6 pack 4 elliptical machines away. Now if my hair is particularly sad, between split ends, dullness and general straw-like texture, I melt it with my fingers and run my hands through my hair, focusing on my ends. Slap that shit into a messy bun and go to bed. In the morning, wash your hair like the filthy hot mess that it is. You should have conditioned, soft, shiny hair. Be warned-Too much oil in your hair and it’s going to take DAYS to get out. My first mistake was trying a handful and slathering it on my head, roots and all. For frizz, when your hair is dry and you’re ready to go out, massage a tiny bit between your fingers and pat down fly away hairs.

9) Chapstick For The Severely Cracked Lips

Can’t find your Chapstick/Carmex/EOS? Well good news. Unlike most balms that contain salicylic acid (the same stuff in your acne medication to dry out zits) Coconut oil is just a finger swab away! Scoop a little in an old lip balm container, or melt it and pour it into an old tube of your chapstick and let it harden. Just remember if it’s in your pocket it’s going to melt!

8) Substitute It For Buttah

Ever want to make cookies and have no butter? Now is the time to use that oil. Substitute 1:1 ratio. Adds a light sweetness without an overpowering coconut flavor. Plus, switching to coconut oil in place of butter has helped contribute to the 70 pounds I’ve lost recently. Sorry, Paula Deen.

7) Bye Bye Blackheads

I recommended this to the Best Friend and she now swears she’ll never wash her face any other way! Rub coconut oil generously on your face. You don’t want it dripping-this isn’t a fraternity ‘Girl’s Wrestling’ match, but more than a tiny amount helps. Wet a washcloth with warm-lightly hot water and place it right over your oily face. Leave it on for a good 10 seconds. Or, if you’re me, 30 because you forgot to count to 10. Now rinse the washcloth and then begin taking the oil off of your face, without scrubbing terribly hard. Ladies, if you want to see what sits on your face everyday I recommend a white washcloth. I also recommend that you set it on fire after because I’m pretty sure you’ll want to never relive that memory again. Use a new piece of washcloth for each section-Forehead, Cheeks, Nose, Chin. Finish off by rubbing a very light amount of coconut oil back on after to moisturize if you’re like me and prone to dry skin/combination skin. Not only does this clear up acne but it gets my make up off after a long day better than ANY cleanser I’ve ever used. If you use it on your eyes to remove eye make up, it makes your lashes grow, too!

6)Cheap Neosporin/Mederma

Gnarly wound from that killer bear you took on to save a village this morning? Or the massive paper cut from signing permission slips your kids forgot to give you until the last minute-which you CLEARLY told them to STOP PUTTING OFF UNTIL 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS COMES!! Coconut oil is anti-microbial and the cat’s pajamas at helping wounds heal. I put it on old unsightly scars regularly and they’ve faded so much people have asked what I’m using. I haven’t seen a HUGE improvement with stretch marks, but I’ve only been putting it on them for a couple of weeks.

5) Baby Wipes And Diaper Rash Cream

This is my favorite and I’ve saved HUNDREDS of bucks. Also, my kids with their lovely allergies, can only use these to keep the rashes at bay. Look for my specific tutorial on wipes under the DIY section later this week. As far as cream, just slather it on after each change and bye-bye red rump, hello daycare calls about the ‘child who smells like a walking Pina Colada’.

4)Cradle Cap, Lotion, Nose Bleeds, Oh My!

There is nothing I hate more than Cradle Cap. Okay, not true. I hate snakes. And poopy diapers where the scent lingers LONG after you’ve disposed of them. And Rachael Ray. No I don’t want to talk about it; just know I have an undying passion for hating her. Cradle Cap, unlike Ms. Ray, can be treated with a good massage into the scalp and a nice combing Twice a day. Feet, Elbows, general skin dryness? Rub yourself in coconut oil like it’s money and you’re Richy Rich. I put it on twice before bed with thick socks and first thing in the morning for super-soft soles. You can even prevent nosebleeds by rubbing a bit inside each nostril!

3) Make Your Shower Hide All Of Your Dirty Secrets-Like Your ‘Acoustic’ Singing.

Tired of fighting and scrubbing and contemplating using your shower for something other than cleaning? Because, you know, you hate scrubbing your gross build up off of it? No, just me? Okay. ANYWAYS. Douse yourself a cleaning rag with the Oil of Awesomeness and swipe it around. Watch that filth go right down the drain. Now if only your singing could be better…

2)Soothe Sunburn

Use just like lotion, but apply gently. It won’t help you look like less of a lobster, but you won’t feel like a cooked lobster.

1) We Didn’t Start The Fire-Coconut Oil Did!

Safer than lighter fluid (looking at you, Uncle NoBrows), Soak cotton balls in coconut oil and add them to the kindling for a good light. Bonus? Pack some extra and wipe down your skin as insect repellant!



Obviously, this isn’t every use. I’m not the know all. That’s why we have Pinterest Accounts, duh. But hopefully if you haven’t joined the cult maybe now you understand why everyone’s bragging about the Kool Aid. Tell me in a comment your favorite way to use it!