I like to think I’m pretty thrifty. I also know that’s a nice way of saying cheap. I’m a bit of a crunchy mom ever since my kids appeared to be allergic to everything-which resulted in me searching for home remedies for nearly everything. After being bombarded on Pinterest with over 100 pins of over 100 ways to use coconut oil, I felt it deserved a little of my attention. I mean, people have claimed it’s the greatest thing since Bradley Cooper shirtless.
Okay, I claimed that. But it is.
First off, let me start by saying I have the worst variety of half stocked grocery stores deemed to mankind. If I want to stay within a 15 minute drive there is a Walmart Supercenter (which clearly should have been named ‘Half-Stocked Not-So-Super Walmart’) a Price Chopper, a Tops, and an Aldi. You want Trader Joes? Not here, friend. Whole Foods? Go screw yourself. You will get overpriced groceries or you will go to the back alley Walmart like everyone else in this town.
So I looked high and low for it at these stores, deeming it after 6 separate searches that I needed to follow a unicorn through the organic section into some hidden room behind the gluten free muffin mixes or something. Turns out, if you go to Walmart you can get it in the vitamin section, go figure. ( Now, you don’t have to buy the Spring Valley kind for $10. A pro tip-if you go to the cooking oils section, there is various brands right there for cheaper. Just make sure you get UNREFINED ORGANIC. Spectrum is a good kind, and under $8 a pound.)
If the coconut oil you bought doesn’t smell like a Tahitian Holiday and you don’t have the strong desire to stick a spoon in it and eat it like the last pint of Chunky Monkey ever made, you didn’t get the right stuff. Save this over processed nonsense for cooking, or…waxing your car or something-it’s no good to use otherwise. If you open your jar up and hear angels singing, it’s time to get into why you will keep tubs of this stuff on hand.
10) Your Hair Needs Help-Like, Yesterday.
You know the drill-Winter makes it dull, Summer makes you look like you live in a sauna with all of that humidity frizz. Time to condition with it. I have shoulder length hair and typically 1/2 a tablespoon will do. Use your best eyeballing skills here. You know, the ones you use at the gym to check out that hottie’s 6 pack 4 elliptical machines away. Now if my hair is particularly sad, between split ends, dullness and general straw-like texture, I melt it with my fingers and run my hands through my hair, focusing on my ends. Slap that shit into a messy bun and go to bed. In the morning, wash your hair like the filthy hot mess that it is. You should have conditioned, soft, shiny hair. Be warned-Too much oil in your hair and it’s going to take DAYS to get out. My first mistake was trying a handful and slathering it on my head, roots and all. For frizz, when your hair is dry and you’re ready to go out, massage a tiny bit between your fingers and pat down fly away hairs.
9) Chapstick For The Severely Cracked Lips
Can’t find your Chapstick/Carmex/EOS? Well good news. Unlike most balms that contain salicylic acid (the same stuff in your acne medication to dry out zits) Coconut oil is just a finger swab away! Scoop a little in an old lip balm container, or melt it and pour it into an old tube of your chapstick and let it harden. Just remember if it’s in your pocket it’s going to melt!
8) Substitute It For Buttah
Ever want to make cookies and have no butter? Now is the time to use that oil. Substitute 1:1 ratio. Adds a light sweetness without an overpowering coconut flavor. Plus, switching to coconut oil in place of butter has helped contribute to the 70 pounds I’ve lost recently. Sorry, Paula Deen.
7) Bye Bye Blackheads
I recommended this to the Best Friend and she now swears she’ll never wash her face any other way! Rub coconut oil generously on your face. You don’t want it dripping-this isn’t a fraternity ‘Girl’s Wrestling’ match, but more than a tiny amount helps. Wet a washcloth with warm-lightly hot water and place it right over your oily face. Leave it on for a good 10 seconds. Or, if you’re me, 30 because you forgot to count to 10. Now rinse the washcloth and then begin taking the oil off of your face, without scrubbing terribly hard. Ladies, if you want to see what sits on your face everyday I recommend a white washcloth. I also recommend that you set it on fire after because I’m pretty sure you’ll want to never relive that memory again. Use a new piece of washcloth for each section-Forehead, Cheeks, Nose, Chin. Finish off by rubbing a very light amount of coconut oil back on after to moisturize if you’re like me and prone to dry skin/combination skin. Not only does this clear up acne but it gets my make up off after a long day better than ANY cleanser I’ve ever used. If you use it on your eyes to remove eye make up, it makes your lashes grow, too!
Gnarly wound from that killer bear you took on to save a village this morning? Or the massive paper cut from signing permission slips your kids forgot to give you until the last minute-which you CLEARLY told them to STOP PUTTING OFF UNTIL 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS COMES!! Coconut oil is anti-microbial and the cat’s pajamas at helping wounds heal. I put it on old unsightly scars regularly and they’ve faded so much people have asked what I’m using. I haven’t seen a HUGE improvement with stretch marks, but I’ve only been putting it on them for a couple of weeks.
5) Baby Wipes And Diaper Rash Cream
This is my favorite and I’ve saved HUNDREDS of bucks. Also, my kids with their lovely allergies, can only use these to keep the rashes at bay. Look for my specific tutorial on wipes under the DIY section later this week. As far as cream, just slather it on after each change and bye-bye red rump, hello daycare calls about the ‘child who smells like a walking Pina Colada’.
4)Cradle Cap, Lotion, Nose Bleeds, Oh My!
There is nothing I hate more than Cradle Cap. Okay, not true. I hate snakes. And poopy diapers where the scent lingers LONG after you’ve disposed of them. And Rachael Ray. No I don’t want to talk about it; just know I have an undying passion for hating her. Cradle Cap, unlike Ms. Ray, can be treated with a good massage into the scalp and a nice combing Twice a day. Feet, Elbows, general skin dryness? Rub yourself in coconut oil like it’s money and you’re Richy Rich. I put it on twice before bed with thick socks and first thing in the morning for super-soft soles. You can even prevent nosebleeds by rubbing a bit inside each nostril!
3) Make Your Shower Hide All Of Your Dirty Secrets-Like Your ‘Acoustic’ Singing.
Tired of fighting and scrubbing and contemplating using your shower for something other than cleaning? Because, you know, you hate scrubbing your gross build up off of it? No, just me? Okay. ANYWAYS. Douse yourself a cleaning rag with the Oil of Awesomeness and swipe it around. Watch that filth go right down the drain. Now if only your singing could be better…
Use just like lotion, but apply gently. It won’t help you look like less of a lobster, but you won’t feel like a cooked lobster.
1) We Didn’t Start The Fire-Coconut Oil Did!
Safer than lighter fluid (looking at you, Uncle NoBrows), Soak cotton balls in coconut oil and add them to the kindling for a good light. Bonus? Pack some extra and wipe down your skin as insect repellant!
Obviously, this isn’t every use. I’m not the know all. That’s why we have Pinterest Accounts, duh. But hopefully if you haven’t joined the cult maybe now you understand why everyone’s bragging about the Kool Aid. Tell me in a comment your favorite way to use it!