I love too much. I love too deeply. I love with all my being and everything that becomes me.; consumes me.

Which is why I don’t swim in the waters at all. Dark like the midnight moonlight, cold and calm; tempting but dangerous. The water is to be feared. The water can drown you in your own recognizance. The Water can bring you to see things, terrible things you never knew. Monsters, and animals only danger knows.

But still I tempt the depths with my toe. Starting in a puddle, working my way up to a pond. But somewhere along the lines the water seems less dangerous; more comforting. I have confidence in the shallow spot of where I stand. Peering into the sapphire glass like a child finding her inquisitive side, my hand nestled in yours; I step.

And suddenly I am caught. Swept up in the riptide I knew nothing of. I had heard the dangers but it was never something I could experience before. And I am dragged. My heart is yearning, grasping, climbing, clutching. Reaching for something to cling to; reaching for you.

You cannot be swept up with me. It’s not safe-two of us out to sea with all our being fighting so fiercely upon the waves. Slapping and breaking water, sobbing and desperately wanting to have relief, I do not want to be alone. I am begging for saving and you are too close for your own comfort; you need to travel  back to coast lest we both be trapped gasping for air.

 I comprehend your actions.

I have never learned to swim for fear of drowning. I have never picked up the skill because it is not a skill I’ve ever needed. A minimalist in everything but emotion; I have learned to be prepared for anything and immune to what was thrown my way. But, you told me it could change my life. You told me I deserved to know how to swim.

I don’t think you knew what that meant. I don’t think you knew the requirements at hand. I don’t think you understood my determination to break down the barriers I put in place to keep from being swept off my feet into the murky waves. I don’t think you anticipated how soon you would have to pull me back ashore. So you couldn’t. You didn’t know. You didn’t know the more you floated away the harder I would struggle to maintain your grasp. I didn’t know the more I fought the farther down I would go.

“It feels like there’s oceans
Between you and me once again
We hide our emotions
Under the surface and try to pretend
But it feels like there’s oceans
Between you and me” 

Seafret, Oceans



I Have A Confession;

This has been brewing for some time now. And it’s Jamaican Me Crazy not being able to share this sooner. I Cannoli imagine how pissed some of you are going to be.

Okay. I’ll stop. I have a thing for super bad puns. The puns Dad Jokes are made of.

ANYWAYS…I kind of have a problem. And by problem I mean it’s a first world problem but a problem none the less. I have a hot beverage problem. It’s such a thing I have an entire drawer full of coffees and teas.


But the tea is in the back for a reason. My main go to in a month is not the expensive Starbucks, the Fruity bursts, or even the Giant Box of Great Value K-Cups.  It’s the thing dreams are made of.

image4(Please ignore the grossness that is my handle to the Keurig, I only push it down about 11 times a day.)

My Ultra-Caffeinated, Ultra-Natural, Ultra-Badass, LOCAL Utica Coffee.  You guys, you don’t even KNOW.

Their Mission Statement on Their Website states,

Our approach is simple: we use the highest quality coffee available, roast it in small batches for the retail and wholesale market, and adhere to business principles that embrace the culture, history, and vibe of our region. We practice current, sustainable, renewable business practices, hire local, purchase local (everything but our coffee beans, of course), and sell local.

Everyone with any conscience is behind that, but wait until you TASTE THE FREAKING STUFF. Their website has a TON of varieties listed from Flavored, to Origin and the ever-famous Adirondack blend. But I have a special place in my heart for the Wake The Hell Up! K- cups in the flavor Cannoli.

image3(I also have a box in Jamaican Me Crazy. It’s my third box since the 3rd of the month. Stop Judging me.)
image2(I meant to take a picture for you before I tore into the box like a crackhead finding some plastic wrap but I just didn’t have the self control.)

Now the great thing about these coffees is that I am a huge advocate of creamer. If I was not Lactose Intolerant, I would probably just drink that straight. Okay; I’m joking. I had a boyfriend who did that and I questioned what I saw in him badly enough to leave. Straight Diabetes. Be an adult and put booze in it first, call it Kahlua. God Damn…

Sorry. Anyways, I have a creamer problem, and this DOESN’T need creamer. Now I’m no coffee expert (That’s why there is Utica Coffee Roasters…) BUT! I can tell you that Cannoli is smooth but slightly acidic, and flavorful like a sweet vanilla cream without being overpowering.

Now the JMC flavor… I am new to this. I am not a fan of Coconut coffee, however this was again, smooth with slight acidity, and not necessary to be tainted with creamer. Which is a shame, because my creamer problem is almost as bad as my coffee problem. (Don’t even get my started on making my own… what do you think I do when I’m out?)


So all of this, with Pride as I announce no anxiety fits or heart attack – you may be asking yourself why I’m even going on. Well, I believe in sustainability. I believe in supporting local business. I believe in Good Freaking Coffee.

My friends know I don’t recommend anything I haven’t tried myself or researched thoroughly. My friends know that if I’m drinking coffee at 11:18 PM, it’s going to be Damn Good Coffee. My friends all now also have a coffee problem. So check the links below I left and explore the site. Not only do they have Ultra-Caf, but they have decaf, TEA, and merch. Hopefully get your purchases in before they place a block and alert on me.

Check me out on My Facebook for more things that are not funny.

They take Most Major Cards/Paypal. And hey! Free Shipping over $50!

You Can Find Their Facebook Here

You Can Trade Your Soul Here (It’s worth it Broseph.)