10 Reasons You Need Coconut Oil In Your Life

I like to think I’m pretty thrifty. I also know that’s a nice way of saying cheap. I’m a bit of a crunchy mom ever since my kids appeared to be allergic to everything-which resulted in me searching for home remedies for nearly everything. After being bombarded on Pinterest with over 100 pins of over 100 ways to use coconut oil, I felt it deserved a little of my attention. I mean, people have claimed it’s the greatest thing since Bradley Cooper shirtless.

Okay, I claimed that. But it is.

First off, let me start by saying I have the worst variety of half stocked grocery stores deemed to mankind. If I want to stay within a 15 minute drive there is a Walmart Supercenter (which clearly should have been named ‘Half-Stocked Not-So-Super Walmart’) a Price Chopper, a Tops, and an Aldi. You want Trader Joes? Not here, friend. Whole Foods? Go screw yourself. You will get overpriced groceries or you will go to the back alley Walmart like everyone else in this town.

So I looked high and low for it at these stores, deeming it after 6 separate searches that I needed to follow a unicorn through the organic section into some hidden room behind the gluten free muffin mixes or something. Turns out, if you go to Walmart you can get it in the vitamin section, go figure. (┬áNow, you don’t have to buy the Spring Valley kind for $10. A pro tip-if you go to the cooking oils section, there is various brands right there for cheaper. Just make sure you get UNREFINED ORGANIC. Spectrum is a good kind, and under $8 a pound.)

Coconut Oil

If the coconut oil you bought doesn’t smell like a Tahitian Holiday and you don’t have the strong desire to stick a spoon in it and eat it like the last pint of Chunky Monkey ever made, you didn’t get the right stuff. Save this over processed nonsense for cooking, or…waxing your car or something-it’s no good to use otherwise. If you open your jar up and hear angels singing, it’s time to get into why you will keep tubs of this stuff on hand.

10) Your Hair Needs Help-Like, Yesterday.

You know the drill-Winter makes it dull, Summer makes you look like you live in a sauna with all of that humidity frizz. Time to condition with it. I have shoulder length hair and typically 1/2 a tablespoon will do. Use your best eyeballing skills here. You know, the ones you use at the gym to check out that hottie’s 6 pack 4 elliptical machines away. Now if my hair is particularly sad, between split ends, dullness and general straw-like texture, I melt it with my fingers and run my hands through my hair, focusing on my ends. Slap that shit into a messy bun and go to bed. In the morning, wash your hair like the filthy hot mess that it is. You should have conditioned, soft, shiny hair. Be warned-Too much oil in your hair and it’s going to take DAYS to get out. My first mistake was trying a handful and slathering it on my head, roots and all. For frizz, when your hair is dry and you’re ready to go out, massage a tiny bit between your fingers and pat down fly away hairs.

9) Chapstick For The Severely Cracked Lips

Can’t find your Chapstick/Carmex/EOS? Well good news. Unlike most balms that contain salicylic acid (the same stuff in your acne medication to dry out zits) Coconut oil is just a finger swab away! Scoop a little in an old lip balm container, or melt it and pour it into an old tube of your chapstick and let it harden. Just remember if it’s in your pocket it’s going to melt!

8) Substitute It For Buttah

Ever want to make cookies and have no butter? Now is the time to use that oil. Substitute 1:1 ratio. Adds a light sweetness without an overpowering coconut flavor. Plus, switching to coconut oil in place of butter has helped contribute to the 70 pounds I’ve lost recently. Sorry, Paula Deen.

7) Bye Bye Blackheads

I recommended this to the Best Friend and she now swears she’ll never wash her face any other way! Rub coconut oil generously on your face. You don’t want it dripping-this isn’t a fraternity ‘Girl’s Wrestling’ match, but more than a tiny amount helps. Wet a washcloth with warm-lightly hot water and place it right over your oily face. Leave it on for a good 10 seconds. Or, if you’re me, 30 because you forgot to count to 10. Now rinse the washcloth and then begin taking the oil off of your face, without scrubbing terribly hard. Ladies, if you want to see what sits on your face everyday I recommend a white washcloth. I also recommend that you set it on fire after because I’m pretty sure you’ll want to never relive that memory again. Use a new piece of washcloth for each section-Forehead, Cheeks, Nose, Chin. Finish off by rubbing a very light amount of coconut oil back on after to moisturize if you’re like me and prone to dry skin/combination skin. Not only does this clear up acne but it gets my make up off after a long day better than ANY cleanser I’ve ever used. If you use it on your eyes to remove eye make up, it makes your lashes grow, too!

6)Cheap Neosporin/Mederma

Gnarly wound from that killer bear you took on to save a village this morning? Or the massive paper cut from signing permission slips your kids forgot to give you until the last minute-which you CLEARLY told them to STOP PUTTING OFF UNTIL 5 MINUTES BEFORE THE BUS COMES!! Coconut oil is anti-microbial and the cat’s pajamas at helping wounds heal. I put it on old unsightly scars regularly and they’ve faded so much people have asked what I’m using. I haven’t seen a HUGE improvement with stretch marks, but I’ve only been putting it on them for a couple of weeks.

5) Baby Wipes And Diaper Rash Cream

This is my favorite and I’ve saved HUNDREDS of bucks. Also, my kids with their lovely allergies, can only use these to keep the rashes at bay. Look for my specific tutorial on wipes under the DIY section later this week. As far as cream, just slather it on after each change and bye-bye red rump, hello daycare calls about the ‘child who smells like a walking Pina Colada’.

4)Cradle Cap, Lotion, Nose Bleeds, Oh My!

There is nothing I hate more than Cradle Cap. Okay, not true. I hate snakes. And poopy diapers where the scent lingers LONG after you’ve disposed of them. And Rachael Ray. No I don’t want to talk about it; just know I have an undying passion for hating her. Cradle Cap, unlike Ms. Ray, can be treated with a good massage into the scalp and a nice combing Twice a day. Feet, Elbows, general skin dryness? Rub yourself in coconut oil like it’s money and you’re Richy Rich. I put it on twice before bed with thick socks and first thing in the morning for super-soft soles. You can even prevent nosebleeds by rubbing a bit inside each nostril!

3) Make Your Shower Hide All Of Your Dirty Secrets-Like Your ‘Acoustic’ Singing.

Tired of fighting and scrubbing and contemplating using your shower for something other than cleaning? Because, you know, you hate scrubbing your gross build up off of it? No, just me? Okay. ANYWAYS. Douse yourself a cleaning rag with the Oil of Awesomeness and swipe it around. Watch that filth go right down the drain. Now if only your singing could be better…

2)Soothe Sunburn

Use just like lotion, but apply gently. It won’t help you look like less of a lobster, but you won’t feel like a cooked lobster.

1) We Didn’t Start The Fire-Coconut Oil Did!

Safer than lighter fluid (looking at you, Uncle NoBrows), Soak cotton balls in coconut oil and add them to the kindling for a good light. Bonus? Pack some extra and wipe down your skin as insect repellant!

 

 

Obviously, this isn’t every use. I’m not the know all. That’s why we have Pinterest Accounts, duh. But hopefully if you haven’t joined the cult maybe now you understand why everyone’s bragging about the Kool Aid. Tell me in a comment your favorite way to use it!

 

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Excuses, Excuses…

I know! I’ve been terrible keeping up with this blog. I really have no excuse for you all other than I am lazy and between working full time and two kids, online work, and the entire House series on Netflix…okay, I haven’t gotten much done lately at all. I vow to change. I will be adding a portion to this little hole-in-the-wall blog of mine for all things not necessarily food related. I mean, everyone loves food porn, but there comes a time where I’m going to want to get away from it a bit.

I’m done rambling. I just wanted to clear my guilty conscience and without further adieu, post something awesome.

Sugary Cinni-Mini’s

Look at this. Look at it. This is the mouth orgasm they should have warned you about. I mean a mouth abstinence class where they passed out Oragel, and told you you have to pay the consequences. Be scared of eating all of them because it is a HUGE possibility. Okay, I trailed off there. But you get it.

Anyways, you can Doctor these, healthify them, set them free from their evil Gluten Ways, etc. I didn’t because I had never attempted donuts prior to this. What wizardry was involved? Would I swear off ever making them again? Could I pretend I didn’t care they were unhealthy? All things I questioned as I threw random shit into a bowl. (The answer to the last question, by the way, is I’m actually pretty good at turning a blind eye, so I’ve learned!)

A Tear For My Thighs Because I Ate Entirely Too Many Of These.

Ingredients:

2 Cups AP Flour

3/4 Cups sugar

3/4 TS Cinnamon

2 TS Baking Powder

1 TS salt

3/4 Cup Milk (any kind, lactaid, Almond, regular)

1.5 TS lemon juice (Or white vinegar)

2 Beaten Eggs

2 TBS Butter or Margarine

1.5 TS Vanilla Extract

Set that oven to 325 degrees. Unless you don’t like to follow rules, and then pretend I didn’t say that. Lightly grease or spray a donut pan. In a measuring cup or bowl pour in milk. Add lemon juice (vinegar) and let sit 5 minutes. In a large bowl mix together dry ingredients like a boss. Look at you go. Alright, calm it. This is not a competition on who put more effort into their mixing; you win dude.

In a small bowl, mix together your wet ingredients. Again…calm yourself, Julia Child. Mix until fairly combined. (Tip-let the butter cool slightly unless you want scrambled eggs.)

Pour wet into dry. Blend until just combined. Now, Fill that donut pan. And don’t be a whine ass about it. It IS work, I know. Count it as a workout, so you can eat more donuts. You probably don’t want to fill it more than top level. Bake 7-11 Minutes. I got a good solid 7-8 Minutes and they were cooked like a turkey and were springy but firm when poked with my eager fingers. Picture a firm air mattress.

Look At These Balls Of Fun. Okay, Not Balls. Don’t Judge.

Give them a whole 2 or so minutes to cool before you try and pry them out of the pan. NO DON’T EAT IT ONCE IT’S OUT!!!! You need toppings, son.

Stick (8 TBS) Butter, melted—in a separate bowl mix—

1 TBS Cinnamon

1/3 Cup Brown Sugar

1/3 Cup Sugar

 

Such Fine China.

Drop the donut into the butter. flip over so it’s coated. Remove, and swirl the top in the cinn-sugar mixture. Place somewhere out of sight so you can finish the other 23 donuts without it taunting you to devour it.

 

Optional: Clean Off Sugar To Find Center. Or Don’t. I Won’t Judge.

 

I can’t promise I won’t ever sound like a toolbag for a future recipe. I’m sorry if that means we can’t be friends.

Mango Swai

First off…Most of my recipes will have actual measurements. Secondly, they will all have a varition of some God-awful mobile phone picture, because only cool rich people can afford something better than a potato to take pictures with.

Upon throwing things together in my kitchen, we get this lovely number. It’s flavorful enough it can stand on it’s own, but feel free to serve with rice or even on a salad. You can use essentially any white fish; I just had Swai on hand.

Ingredients:

Generic Tastiness At Its Finest

2 Swai filets, cut in half

Mango Juicy Juice, to cover the fish almost all the way

TBS Coconut Oil, melted

1-2 TS Lemon Juice

1 TBS Minced Garlic

2-3 Shakes Soy Sauce

Honey Mustard

Dijon Mustard

(This recipe is to taste. You can’t really go wrong.)

In a medium bowl pour in your juice. Eyeball it, you can always add more. Add the garlic, melted oil, lemon juice. Stir. Add around 1-2 TBS Honey Mustard and 1-2 TBS Dijon, given personal preference. Microwave 15 seconds to make sure oil stays melted. Stir again, place in fish. Pour more juice if needed to cover fish. Let sit 5 minutes and flip fish. Sit another 5 minutes. Heat nonstick pan on medium to medium high heat. Place fish carefully in pan and begin cooking, saving marinade. When the fish has begun to turn white on the bottom pour in marinade.

Looks Gross, Smells Like Summer

Flip fish to finish cooking. Let simmer at medium/medium-high until fish is cooked (easily flakes with fork, white in center.) Remove and serve.

Ignore How God-Awful This Picture Is. Just Imagine Smelling The Fish, With Its Non-Fishy Smell. And How Awesome It Tastes. I Should Have Made It Presentable For Posting, But I Was Less Concerned With Cleaning Up The Plate And More Concerned Feeding The Toddler Trying To Snag It Off The Stove.

Well, This Is Awkward…

I made this blog in a fit of spontaneous motivation. I had planned on posting regularly. It’s been at least…at LEAST a month…or three. Well because I live in New York and it’s almost March, it’s just been deemed ‘blog posting day.’ Why does NY and March have anything to do with me typing up the recipes I’ve been promising, the tips I’ve been stashing away? Because in NY, you can get 4 inches of snow in 45 minutes when it was 50 freaking degrees the day before.

It may take some time to get the ball (blog!) rolling. I have a three month old, a two year old, and usually a breast pump attached to me at all times. Right now two of those three are on me. The other is pretending he’s a goat eating cheerios off the floor. Maybe they taste better; I don’t know. I just blame all the weird creepy traits he has on his father. (I know I didn’t chew the crib up as a 6 month old. Or eat wasabi off a fork. And I certainly did not constantly stick one hand up my nose and the other in the front of my diaper.) So please be patient with me as a single mama, coupon activist, Baking extremist, work out enthusiast, sleep deprived, crazy woman.

Merry Christmas To Me

So, I’ve been saying I was going to start a blog for months now. Mostly to document my boys and share what hacks and tips, recipes even, work with us. I must say starting a blog was in equal parts to get back into writing again and get away from the humdrum of Facebook. But mostly, the sharing of this infinite, albeit, common knowledge.

So for Christmas, I gave myself a swift kick in the butt and here we are.